You may have heard of the book, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
It’s a ridiculously famous book with great advice from a well-known relationship expert.
The book outlines five ways to express and experience love between romantic partners:
- Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
- Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
- Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
- Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Now, all of these ways of giving and receiving love feel good to us…
…but each person typically has a “favorite” love language…
…one main love language that really makes their heart soar.
I’ve been using the five love languages as a tool in my clinical practice with couple’s for over a decade…
…helping each partner to determine their love language…and learn how to speak to each other’s love languages in meaningful ways.
Here’s where it gets really interesting…
I also applied the 5 Love Languages to my relationship with my money.
Yep. I figured out what I wanted from my money based on my love language
I know this might sound totally bonkers…
…but stick with me.
WHAT YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE MEANS FOR YOUR MONEY
My love language is Words of Affirmation. I love it when my husband showers me with words of praise, compliments, and expresses appreciation for me.
I love hearing, “I love you” backed by all the reasons WHY he does.
But Tom doesn’t ALWAYS speak my love language. Sometimes he shows me love in the way HE wants to receive it…not in the way I want to receive love.
He’s a Physical Touch love language guy. So, he’ll often try to express love to me with big bear hugs and holding my hand instead of complimenting me on the fantastic dinner I made…
…which sometimes leaves me feeling unappreciated and a bit grouchy.
There were times when I felt grouchy with my money too. I often felt irritated that my money wasn’t there when I needed it, and despite my hard work, it seemed like there was never enough money.
I realized the connection between feeling frustrated with Tom and feeling irritated with my money.
I started thinking about my relationship with my money…
…and I realized that I wanted my money to show me love in the same way I wanted Tom to…
…by shouting from the rooftops that I’m awesome…successful…brilliant…and worthy of being rich.
I wanted my money to shower me with words of affirmation and show the world that “I’ve made it”.
But I realized that my money wasn’t doing that for me at all…because I didn’t have the money I wanted and I sure as hell wasn’t rich and famous like I wanted to be.
I got to thinking that maybe my money was like Tom…
…and wasn’t being a complete jerk to me like I thought…
…but instead was expressing love to me in a different love language…
…and I was missing the clues.
That’s EXACTLY what was happening in my money relationship!
I was pissed off at my money for no good reason!
Once I realized this…my relationship with money took a major turn…
…but I wouldn’t have figured this out if I hadn’t known my love language.
KNOW YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE
Can you see why it’s important to know your love language?
You might be feeling like your money has abandoned you…is being such a jerk to you…doesn’t care about you at all…
…when in reality…your money could be loving up on you every second of the day and you just aren’t noticing.
You might feel like you are constantly loving up on your money…only to feel like your money is ghosting you…rejecting you…or avoiding you…
…when in reality…you might be speaking to your money in the wrong love language…and it can’t even tell you’re trying so hard.
For any relationship to be happy, there has to be an exchange of love between partners…
…and that holds true in your money relationship too.
You need to express love to your money on a consistent basis…so it feels valued, appreciated, adored and respected.
And your money needs to express love to you on a consistent basis…so you feel safe, secure, treasured, and cared for.
The best way to facilitate that is by knowing your love language…and the ways you’d like your money to express love to you…and what you want your money to do for you.
Go back and review the 5 Love Languages above and determine which one really resonates with you. Then, think about what that means for your money and how you want your money to love up on you.
Email me and tell me what your love language is and what you want from your money based on that! Can’t wait to hear from you!!
Money love & hugs, ($O$O$O)