15 Jan Baring It All
My palms were sweaty (gross)…my stomach tightened…my heart started to race.
I felt so…exposed.
This wasn’t what I had in mind when I slipped on my skinny jeans and black heels, all excited for Girl’s Night Out.
How did the conversation take such a radical turn and land on this topic?
I mean…one minute we’re dishing on the season finale of Working Moms and debating whether Kate will choose to go home with Nate or hop a plane to paradise with her dreamy new business partner…
…and the next minute…we suddenly start talking about something so…serious.
Who brought it up?…what was she thinking even mentioning it??
I wanted to get the hell outta there…run back to the safety of my own four walls…where I wouldn’t be put in the hot seat of having to answer questions on a topic that was off limits for me.
Sitting there with the girls and hearing them all chime in about something so personal felt like I was back in high school…
…at the “popular girl’s” party…playing truth or dare…and wishing I’d stayed home that night.
I was convinced that nothing good could come from talking about this…and I desperately tried to change the subject.
But my lady friends were persistent…they carried on like it was no big deal…and chatted as if we were talking about an episode of “Shameless” or what we all made for dinner last Thursday.
How could they be so cool about it? Why weren’t they all freaking out like I was?
Can you guess what we were talking about?
Yucky…gross…scary…uncomfortable MONEY TALK.
BEFORE my money love affair began, I avoided talking about money like I avoided bikini waxes.
Both were incredibly painful and just not worth it.
I’d been told my whole life that it was rude to talk about money…a taboo topic that should be kept behind closed doors.
There were rules to follow:
- Never ask anyone how much money they make
- Never tell anyone how much money you make
- Never ask/tell anyone how much something cost
But there I was…surrounded by other women who were FREELY talking about money…
…baring it all…
…getting all honest and transparent about their bank accounts…stock portfolios…annual income.
As I listened in (‘cause I wasn’t about to say s%*t), I noticed how easy it was for them to talk money…
…while I sat there paralyzed with shame and embarrassment.
In that moment, I knew this was something I needed to work on.
I didn’t want to feel separate…or different…or uncomfortable around my friends.
I wanted to join in the fun…contribute to a meaningful conversation…maybe even get some advice from them on money matters.
But before I could let loose and join in the fun of money talk…
…I had to shake my shame about it…
…and write new rules to follow…
…rules that didn’t consist of NOT talking about money…to anyone…ever.
As I started setting new money talk rules for myself…I realized that money is just like any other topic.
It really is just like chatting about the sale going on at Bath & Body Works…or the article from Parent’s magazine about tween angst…or the fight you had with your husband that turned into hot make up sex.
Money is part of life…it’s something we work with and think about every day…
…and it’s worth talking about…
…without feelings of shame or guilt or bogus rules that say we shouldn’t talk about it.
So, if you find yourself out with the girls…with sweaty palms…and feeling the need to escape like the Runaway Bride…
…join me in the Date Your Money Facebook group.
That’s where we’ll extinguish the flame on #shame so you can talk about money as freely as you talk about cat videos and Pinterest pins.