10 Mar Bump & Grind…The Kind of Friction You Don’t Want
Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about being swept up in a passionate love affair?
The kind where romance and sexual tension are at it’s peak…and you get the feeling that you’ll burst if you can’t put your hands on your lover.
Your lover does all the right things…gives you Fifty Shades of Grey style teasing…
…plays slow, sexy music in the background…
…and has champagne and strawberries by the bedside waiting to be devoured.
You feel the rush of heat come over you as your lover closes in…
…softly kissing your neck…sending chills down your spine.
You’re completely lost in him…breathing in the scent of his cologne…and pulling strands of his hair through your fingers.
He presses into you…making you want him even more… until he…
“What’s this charge on the credit card for?”
Your real life partner’s question snaps you out of the erotic daydream you were enjoying. (Grrr!)
Now you’re in the hot seat…but not the seductive kind.
You rack your brain trying to remember what you spent money on…and scramble to come up with an explanation to defend yourself from a financial sneak attack.
“Why does money always cause so much friction between you and your partner?”, you wonder.
It certainly isn’t the kind of friction you fantasize about…
…but it’s an ongoing occurrence for many couple’s to fight about money.
In fact, money is the #1 issue couple’s fight about.
Allow me to put on my couple’s therapist hat and explain:
:: We often care more about the opinions of those closest to us and want them to be proud of us, respect us and admire us. Money matters can lead to disappointment and blame. Ouch!
:: Out of fear, you feel the need to hide your money mistakes, decisions and “flaws” in order to spare your reputation and ensure that your partner will still view you positively.
:: Each of us carry a whole lot of money baggage into our relationships. It looks different for each person, but we’ve all got it and that makes money convos complicated.
:: We all have complicated feelings when it comes to money and very few of us are taught early on how to have a healthy relationship with it. That applies to YOU and your PARTNER.
But the BIGGEST reason why money is often a touchy subject for couples is this:
You and your partner are NOT the same person…which means that you each have different BELIEFS, VALUES, EXPERIENCES and EXPECTATIONS related to money.
You’re a “saver”. He’s a “spender”.
You think money should be used for fun. She thinks money should be used for security.
You never had money growing up and learned that money is something to be careful with. He always had money growing up and learned that money keeps replenishing itself.
You expect money to allow you to retire in 10 years. She expects money to buy her a new BMW.
How the f*ck do you find a middle ground when you and your partner are SO DIFFERENT when it comes to money???
That, my friend, is why money is the biggest issue for partners.
And…you both really do give a crap about your money.
You both spend money every single day…and make decisions about it every single day…and put in hours of your life to earn money almost every single day.
So, money really freakin’ matters…to both of you. It’s important…and because it carries so much weight in your lives…you have BIG FEELINGS about money.
And all those FEELINGS start pouring out all over the place when you talk with each other about money.
Sometimes the feelings are good, like when one of you gets a winning lottery ticket and the other snagged the last two seats at the Alanis Morrissette 25th Anniversary concert.
Excitement…anticipation…money happiness abounds! Hooray!
Sometimes the feelings are bad, like when one of you gets a speeding ticket and the other becomes the victim of identity theft and has their bank account drained.
Anger…sadness…money shame dumps all over the place. Boo.
Sometimes you and your partner totally agree on where your money should go…
…like when you shout out at the same time that you’re finally taking that trip to the Redwood Forest together…
…or you make a plan to pay off that stupid department store credit card once and for all because 25% interest is insane!!
It feels good being on the same page and working together as a team!
Sometimes you and your partner are at opposite extremes of the spectrum…
…like when you want to invest $500 a month in Facebook Ads to grow your business…
…and your partner wants to invest that $500 a month in stocks to grow your retirement savings.
It feels awful being at odds and unable to agree on what to do with your cash!
And you share all these money feelings with your partner…for better or worse…for richer or poorer….whether you like it or not.
So what’s a girl to do when all she wants to do is add spice, thrill and sex appeal to her relationship…instead of having dreaded money talks and financial friction?
Here are some tips:
Work on your communication skills.
Learning different techniques for discussing heated issues with your partner helps keep conversations from escalating out of control and promotes empathy and effective problem solving…especially when it comes to money.
Know your money love languages.
You and your partner want different things from your money and getting clear on what you want to do with your cash…and how you want your money to make you feel…is an important first step to coming to mutually-beneficial agreements about how to manage your money together.
Have proactive transparency.
Complete honesty and openness about money matters is an absolute must for you and your partner. That means no stretching the truth about spending. No little white lies. No omitting the details or skipping over the fine print. And it definitely doesn’t mean keeping financial issues a secret until your partner brings it up.
If you’re thinking, “Yes! I want to do ALL these things and end the financial friction in my relationship once and for all! But…HOW?”…
…you should get on the wait list for my new Money Therapy Online Program.
Money Therapy is a year’s worth of weekly therapy sessions for you + your money to build a love affair that lasts a lifetime.
If you want to learn EXACTLY how to work with your partner better when it comes to money (I dive deep into the 3 tips I mentioned above) and…
:: Transform your love/hate relationship with money into a steamy love affair
:: Wipe out debt
:: Break through the earnings ceiling
:: Gain financial control and confidence
…then Money Therapy is for you.