My mom hadn’t planned on having a baby at 20 years old, but there she was, a single mother with me in her arms.
She didn’t admit it at the time, but she wasn’t quite ready to be a parent.
She wanted to date…and party…and spread her wings. So, that’s what she did.
During my mom’s 20’s and early 30’s, she left me in the good care of my grandmother most of the time and flitted in and out of my life. She seemed to be there for the fun stuff, like chorus concerts and school dances…
…but absent when I needed help with homework or got pushed by the bully at school.
While I was growing up, my mom felt more like a big sister than a mother. She spent time with me when she wasn’t working, shopping or with her boyfriend. I took what I could get, but always wanted more.
The relationship with my mom was unpredictable. She wasn’t always there when I needed her. I felt like I couldn’t count on her. The relationship with her wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
During MY 20’s and early 30’s, my relationship with money looked EXACTLY the same.
Money was unpredictable. I felt like it wasn’t always there when I needed it. I felt like I couldn’t count on money. The relationship with money wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
I didn’t have a close, loving relationship with money during that time in my life. We didn’t spend much time together.
Money was basically my mom’s twinsie…it seemed to be there during the fun times…like every other Friday when I got paid and could take money out shopping with me…
…but it was absent when I needed to replace the tires on my car or pay for a root canal.
The relationship with my mom changed over time as we both grew up and became adults. I didn’t have the awesome relationship with my mom that I wanted until I was an adult living on my own…
…and getting to a good place with each other wasn’t an easy road.
Before we could really care for each other and share our lives fully, I had A LOT of inner work to do.
I had to forgive her for the choices she made while I was a kid and let go of the hurt, anger and resentment I felt toward her all those years.
And I had to forgive myself for the way I reacted and behaved toward her growing up. Like the time I told my mom that “if she did something that wasn’t 100% selfish I would die from shock.”(OMG…I was such a bitch to her sometimes!)
I saw my therapist a boatload of times and worked through the stuff with my mom. I realized that we were both doing the best we could at the time.
I realized that as adults, we could do a whole lot better and my mom and I started spending more time together…having fun…making each other a priority…and sharing in the hard times and the happy times.
Now, we’re besties. We love each other’s company and have a wonderful relationship…so much so that we choose to work together in my business and live just 5 minutes apart.
I know I can totally count on my mom to be there when I need her and she does SO much to help me out…I literally couldn’t exist without her. She helps me live the life I want.
And in return, I shower my mom with love, respect and appreciation…because if I didn’t…she would do jack for me.
Because of the close relationship my mom and I have right now, she helps me live the life I want…and I do the same for her.
As for my money relationship?…that got better too…because I did the inner work…and put myself back in therapy with money sitting next to me. (In “money therapy”, I was the client AND the therapist, which made it REAL interesting!)
Just like with my mom, I had to let go of the anger and resentment I had about money not being there for me. I had to forgive myself for abusing money and recognize that I did the best I could at the time.
Then I had to face the fact that I could do better in my money relationship…make it a priority in my life…spend time with it…love up on it.
The result? Money and I are besties now too.
I can totally count on it to be there when I need it and it does SO much for me. It helps me live the life I want.
Just like with my mom, I shower my money with love, respect and appreciation…so it keeps wanting to help me out.
See, my mom and money are basically twinsies.
If you’re not quite sure what your relationship with money looks like, take a look at the other relationships in your life. I bet you’ll find they’re basically twinsies too.
And if you find your relationships aren’t quite what you want them to be (including the one with money)…that’s what therapy’s for! 🙂
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