It’s 3 am. I’m wide awake, silently crying in bed while my husband snores loudly beside me.
While he slept like a baby, I laid there feeling like a big fat failure for getting us into a financial mess.
“Where would I come up with the money for the mortgage payment? OMG…what if we lose the house? I swear to God, if we become homeless, it will be all my fault and Tom will surely divorce me and take the kids.”
I was paralyzed by fear as I imagined all the worst case scenarios, feeling certain I was bound to experience ALL of them.
My money troubles were taking a serious emotional toll on me.
With my stomach in knots…losing sleep…biting my nails…and fighting with my husband about money non-stop…a mental breakdown felt imminent.
It was my bright idea to start my own business, and I knew that it would take money to get it off the ground, but I never expected it to LOSE money on the daily.
I never expected to be saddled with $87,000 of debt and no clear plan on how to pay the minimum balance.
I kept thinking that my money problems were proof that I didn’t have what it takes to build a successful business and I’d have to sell my soul and deal with corporate bullshit for the rest of my life just to make ends meet.
*Cue the violins*
As the tears streamed down my face, I started questioning my money in my mind.
“Where are you, money? Why don’t you want to be with me? What’s a girl gotta do to get her hands on you?”
Wait…I went back to the first question. “Where are you, money?”
I rolled out of bed, pulled out my laptop and plopped down on the couch.
I pulled up my bank account and started searching. It wasn’t that I had NO money at all. I just didn’t have enough.
But where was the money going that I DID have?
As I looked through each bank transaction, I discovered that I didn’t even know what some of those purchases were.
It wasn’t that money didn’t want to be with me…the problem was that I was being careless with my money.
I wasn’t paying attention to where it was going…what it was doing. I didn’t invite it to do something with me…to stick around…or work together toward a larger goal.
The hard truth presented itself: I was neglecting my money and my dysfunctional money relationship was like poison seeping into my thoughts, feelings and actions…
…it messed with my mind…and played games with my heart.
After downing some peanut butter ripple ice cream (don’t judge), I made a promise to my money that I’d give it more of my attention…be more involved with it…and be a better teammate to it…
…so we could have a better relationship…
…that wouldn’t make me cry myself to sleep at night.
If your feeling brokenhearted over money and want to turn your money relationship around, you might want to give your money more time and attention too.
Need some fresh ideas for setting aside some quality time with your money? Have some ice cream and then come over to the Date your Money Facebook Group for fun tips and #inspo!